Rawhide Foster Parents Receive 2018 Governor’s Foster Care Award

For years, Bob and Nan Pieper have been providing home-like care for children who are not able to live with their parents for a variety of reasons. Some of their homes are unsafe. Others have a special kind of treatment need that their parents are just not able to manage or have parents and family that are unable to care for them.

While placement foster care is usually temporary, Bob and Nan Pieper are determined to have a lasting impact on the lives of the children they care for. Their dedication and selflessness were recognized on May 15, 2018 in the Assembly Chamber of the State Capitol where they were recognized by the State of Wisconsin as a recipient of the 2018 Governor’s Foster Care Award.

Youth in Rawhide’s Treatment Foster Care Program transition from our on-site residential program into a licensed foster care home in the community. While in this program, youth are fully integrated into the community while still having access to Rawhide’s services and professional staff.

Before Bob and Nan received their award, we sat down with them and talked more about their history as foster parents, rewards challenges along the way, misconceptions about foster care, and the support of Rawhide.

The process to becoming foster parents

Nan: We had an abusive marriage. I was at Advocates for Battered Women. I thought: Lord, I wanted to have 5 kids by the time I was 29. I had one, and I never wanted to get pregnant again because I was physically abused when I was pregnant. God spoke to me very clearly and said you’re going to be a foster mom someday. I thought, “Am I getting a new husband?”

But actually, that’s what happened. Bob quit drinking, made some good choices, went through therapy, and the Lord healed our marriage.

Bob: I am the original husband, by the way.

Nan: We’ve been married 32 years now. I told Bob (about what God told me), and he was not thrilled about being a foster parent. Why take care of someone else’s problem? That was his attitude at the time. When hurricane Katrina hit Haiti and everyone was adopting the babies, I said, “Lord, what about the teenagers?”

For more information on becoming a foster parent for Rawhide please contact us at 1-888-745-7445.

That’s always been my passion – troubled teens. No one was talking about the teens at all. Let me guess: teens can take care of themselves. That was really people’s attitude. I went on the internet looking for things, and then I came across Rawhide.

The next day, I called Angelica, the Clinic Supervisor at Rawhide. I said, “Tell me about Rawhide.” And she did. I said I wanted to come up. She said okay, we can make a plan for you.

I said, “I want to come up tomorrow. I know I am supposed to be a foster parent.”

She said, “No, you don’t understand.” And I said, “No you don’t understand. I’ve had this dream for over 20 years.”

So I met her and she said there was a long process involved – you would need to come up (to Rawhide). Your husband would need to come up. He’d need to be on board with this. It takes several weeks and months to get all of the paperwork done. I said, “Give it to me.” There was a lot of training involved. But I said, “We’ll do it.”

The support that we’ve gotten from Rawhide is amazing. They’re on call 24/7. The case managers are personable and go the extra mile

God had already prepared us for everything we needed: physicals, TB skin tests and other stuff like that. So, we got our training done and our paperwork done.

We probably waited about a year. There were three times where I had a real hard stirring in my spirit that we were supposed to get somebody.

Shortly after, we got our first guy, Tyler.

When he was coming to our house for a home visit, just to meet us to see if it would be a good fit, he went into Wendy’s bathroom and took a bunch of Vicodin. I knew that when I looked at him, something was not right. But I knew that he was the one we were supposed to have.

That was six years ago. Tyler was in and out of rehab. The more kids process things, the more difficult it gets. If you don’t have a biological parent support through that, it makes it even more difficult.

He did graduate from high school and went back home to live with mom and stepdad. He did not like stepdad. He told mom to get rid of stepdad, and he committed suicide. That was really hard.

Misconceptions about foster care

I think one of the biggest misconceptions about foster care is that if you bring a child into your home, they’re going to conform to everything that you say. That’s not it at all. With all the trauma that these kids go through, you need to change. You need to accommodate their needs and understand them.

That’s the biggest thing that people don’t understand. These kids have come from so much; lack of structure, lack of parenting. There are so many things that are missing from little on. You have to watch your attitude, listen to the Lord, and give them gentleness and love.

Bob: That’s one thing that’s hard for me right now. When you get these kids…you can’t blame the kid. And there’s a huge problem with parenting now in our society. So, do you get upset that the parents created this kid and the fact that they’re really messed up? Or do you get upset for the kid making bad choices? I struggle with that. The kid is only learned what they’ve been taught.

Nan: Another misconception is that a kid could be placed in your house and they’ll be fine with they get home. It’s unfair to the young man or lady, or to the parents. Placing kids back with their parents when their parents haven’t done the work is the probably the biggest disservice the kids.

Bob: We’ve had a few kids who worked their tail off and they want to change things. But when they talk to their parents and they go back home and their parents just skate through, it’s not fair to the kids.
 

Rewards and challenges as foster parents

Nan: There are also little rewarding things – when you see them self-correcting after a meltdown, then you know they get it and they’re ready for the next step.

Last night Mike was able to admit that he was snarky with me. He understands that he was not acting appropriately with me, but I still chose to help him cut his hair and iron his graduation gown.

Bob: I can’t say it’s been easy. These kids have helped change me; the way I look at things and appreciate things and people. It’s really not all…the kids change us.

Nan: Our marriage is better because of it. You can’t be petty or nit-picky. There is no time for that. They’re watching. They see us arguing and fighting and they wonder if Bob is going to have to sleep on the couch…

“No – what are you talking about?”

“Well, you guys were having an argument.“

“Well, we don’t agree on everything. And no, Bob is not sleeping on the couch tonight.”

Nan Piper addresses the crowd in the Assembly Chamber of the State Capitol in Madison on May 15.

Bob: That is a hilarious thing at our house. All of the kids are always waiting to see me sleeping on the couch. Saturday nights I drive a limo, and I’ll come home late and sleep on the couch because I don’t want to wake Nan up. And then I have to make a statement: look, guys, I got home late. I was tired. That was why I was sleeping on the couch. If I had to sleep on the couch for some reason, it would upset their world.

They come from very unstable homes and have seen some very unhealthy behavior. Just because you don’t agree…they immediately revert to thoughts like, “Well they aren’t going to stay together.”

Bob: But for these kids, it’s big to have a husband and wife in a home and being able to roll model female and male obligations, dad, and mom obligations, and apologizing. Sometimes, Nan and I feel like ripping each other’s heads off. But we can say I’m sorry. And for the kids to see that…it’s something they’ve never experienced.

Nan: They’ve never experienced a male helping in the kitchen or doing laundry so we can do other things as a family – or a female helping out in the garage!

Our current child is a girl, from Rawhide. She loves to work in the garage. She’s already done brake jobs and tire rotations and she likes doing it.

They like to hang out with Bob a lot.

It takes Bob about six weeks to build a relationship with the kids. After that happens…it takes that long for the kids to build a relationship with him. They usually trust me right away. I don’t know why.

After they get a relationship built with Bob, they really like that Dad. He takes them for motorcycle rides.

Bob: Mike’s been with us for 5 years. But he’s still waiting for the other shoe to drop. And we’ll joke with him. Mike, you’ve been here for how long and you haven’t seen the other shoe drop?

Nan: It’s safe. He’s dealing with trustworthy people. That’s a lot for these kids.

They need structure. They need to know what they can count on.